Proverbs 3:30 “do not contend with a man for no reason, when he has done you no harm”
In 1977 I was working as a chef in the evenings at a busy city centre restaurant. The cooking area was open and visible for all the customers to see and it was a table service operation. It was busy, busy, busy. Always full, often with a line of customers at the door waiting for a table.
To give some context, in those days the public bars in Scotland closed about 10 pm, and last orders were shouted at ten minutes before 10 pm, and in those ten minutes, significant amounts of alcohol would be consumed, with men particularly downing two or even three double whiskies in a very short space of time. In the 1970s the only food you could buy in a pub in Scotland would be a packet of crisps.
So fast forwards to the restaurant, I worked in. Just after 10 pm we would have an influx of usually young men, trying to get into the restaurant, starving hungry (having gone to the pub straight from work) and often fairly incoherent. This was normal for us, and we were all ready for it. We would at times provide take-away food at this time of night as a faster service to try and encourage these customers to order, pay, grab and go. They would come up to the counter and place their orders with me. Then wait there till the order was handed to them. There would be a line of these men, now at the front of the restaurant and our waiting staff would be trying to navigate them as well as they came to collect food for their customers who were sitting. Usually, we would joke and laugh with these customers as they waited and tried to keep the atmosphere light.
It was not unusual for quarrels and even fights to break out, and sometimes we would be chasing customers through the streets as they tried to run away without paying for their meals. One night two of the men got into an argument and then blows were exchanged, right there at the front of the restaurant, it was a melee (in Scotland we might say “stramash”).
One man got the other man onto the floor and was laying into him and giving him quite a beating. I decided that I could not stand by and watch this so went round to the front and grabbed the man on the top of the other pulled him off him and threw him onto the floor, clearly and loudly telling him to stop. The other man was picking himself up and dusting himself down, when suddenly he leapt forwards and kicked then man I had pulled way, as hard as he could, then he ran from the restaurant knocking a couple of our staff over on the way. The police had been called and I just did not have time to go running through the city centre streets in my chef’s gear to chase that man that night. So I apologised to the man I had restrained, but he was now ready to get into it with me. Needless to say, we had an interesting night and kept the police entertained for a few hours.
KNOWLEDGE
We could easily stop at this scripture and shake our heads a little in puzzlement. Why, we ask ourselves, would anyone get involved in a dispute or argument with someone who has not actually given us any reason?
My thinking is along the lines of gossip. This issue happens when we have allowed ourselves to be persuaded by others who have no wisdom, that there is an issue with someone. Believing what we have been told, we wade into the dispute, giving our opinion, having our voice heard, and perhaps even getting involved in practical actions to disadvantage another person.
James is so right when he says “But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison” (James 3:8).
We can decide now how to deal with such situations. Some very successful ultra-marathon runners decide long before the race, what conditions they will allow to stop them – so that when they are running the race they are not distracted by the normal issues or by others tactics. We can decide now how we will deal with gossip, long before we experience it, we can prepare ourselves to make great decisions well ahead of time – and then we won’t find ourselves in situations of adversity that we really don’t understand, once we are in them.
UNDERSTANDING
Let’s pick one word from this verse to look closer at and see if that can help us gain a deeper insight into how God would love us to live?
The word for “contend” is pronounced “riyb” and is found 72 times in the Old Testament. The English words used to translate this [ESV} include quarrel; berate; complaint; contend; plead; adversary; confront; defend; argue; strive; and, judgement. Here in verse 30, we pick up on the sense of quarrelling.
WISDOM: what’s your anti-gossip strategy?
STRENGTHS THOUGHT: Maximiser want to take what is already good and make it great. Make time to celebrate as well as evaluate.
Allan’s Unauthorised Version – [do not hold on to controversy and quarrels with another person through vanity, when they have dealt with you and repaid you, causing no hurt or affliction.]
PRAYER: Father, thank you for today. Please help me to see people through your eyes, as you made them, and as you intend them to be, and to treat them accordingly. Thank you.
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Love your thoughts on gossip Allan. Our tongue can so easily cause such hurt (just as you quoted from James 3.8). Conversely, it can also bring life, hope and blessing to others. Making a conscious decision to use our tongue for good each day is powerful and life changing… for us and for those around us.
Thank you Pastor Allan. Yes, how important it is for each one of us to keep our conversations clean and pleasing to God. We need the spirit of God guiding us when we speak. Having a resolve – not to say anything bad about anyone.
This is great Allan. Love your wisdom thought and question. So good!
Thank you. I struggled with this for a season and then I had to get through the other way of gossip, just sitting there in a group of gossipers and staying silent but not joining in. Now most of the time I either excuse myself to the bathroom or try and change the subject. This has meant that I don’t have as many friends as I once had but the pruning is helping me know what type of friend I want.
How easily unwise words can slip off the tongue and all it does is reflect what we are thinking. Keeping our thoughts on “what would Jesus do” has the ability to change our focus entirely. To have the spirit guide us means that we are prepared and know what we would do in these situations. Thanks Allan for raising the ugly world of gossip to make us focus on what is good, honourable and true
I ask myself…”would you be willing to say this to the person you are talking about? Is it true, is it kind, is it necessary, what is the purpose? I think this includes comments on social media posts about people we don’t know.
Good morning pastor Alan, now I always think about what I say or do now, because I have a God I represent here on earth, I guard my mouth (with a bit and bridle ) but thank you 🙏🏿 for your words of wisdom and encouragement and to understand scripture pastor Alan 👏🏽😂👍🏾
To forgive and move forward with respect for another is what I hear in this message today . Quite often a spirit of offence Has a hold on us and clearly binds us. Being angry without forgiving leaves people in an awkward position especially if they are a neighbour or someone you must see , a family member or church member, someone at your local shops. Avoidance is so ugly and ignoring is petty. God help me to be compassionate toward those who behave this way. Teach me to keep my heart in check and assess my attitude frequently so as not to hold on to bitterness or Unforgiveness and remind me not to judge, but to see them through your eyes. Amen
I love this thought “We can decide now how we will deal with gossip, long before we experience it.” A great reminder that I can decide ahead of time the person I want to be. We are not responsible for the actions of others, we will only answer to God one day for our behavior.
These are powerful thoughts and a very very powerful prayer today! Thank you Pastors Alan
Such a good reminder not to become part of other people’s disputes. To have the wisdom and restraint to know not to get involved in gossip. Thanks Pastor Allan for incorporating your life experiences to illustrate God’s words and lessons for our well being.
I too have been in that situation and are currently in it
Especially in this strange season we are in socially the mind can play awful tricks when the ears pass on gossip we hear
Making a conscious effort into sieving out the bad bits and letting the good fall the through is paramount
Trying to understand why people are gossiping can be destroying
Put it all in front of our lord he has it all under control
I love this challenge – what’s your anti-gossip strategy?
What a great reminder of how powerful our tongue is and what we choose to hear and talk about with one another. So important to have Godly conversations.
Thank you Ps Allan.
Thanks once again Pastor Allan for your insight & wisdom.
I see this as a further warning to guard my heart for from it come the issues of life & what I think in my heart my mouth will speak. Meditating on God’s Word every day sets my heart up to ask God for a pure heart to enable me to speak life & not death over people’s lives. I am a sinner saved by grace & with this in mind I pray it will set up a framework to decide not to contend judge gossip or listen to gossip about others. It is a discipline & a decision every day in not giving into my flesh!
I like the thought that we can take what is already good and make it great. And make time to celebrate as well as to evaluate!
We can prepare ourselves to make great decisions well ahead of time, this will enable us to decide how to deal with gossip long before we experience it. Just like some very successful marathon runners prepares and decides long before the race.
Getting involved in gossip, arguments and fights can have shocking consequences. This message reminds me to keep a watch over my tongue, as words once spoken mindlessly in anger, cannot be taken back. And to treat others with respect, the same way I would like others to treat me.
Thank you, Pastor Allan, for this very practical message.
Pastor Allan
I can so relate to your stories.
I restrained a man one day who was beating a unconscious man on the ground.
I was subsequently was restrained by several other men who warned me to never get involved in other people’s business or I would be attacked. Its hard not to follow our instincts to protect others but there are often times when I’ve found I didn’t have the full story or understanding of the situation.
To see people through God’s eyes ,so there will be no condemnation or judgement .
To never talk bad about someones reputation.as we all are sinners .
Judgment only belongs to God .
We all fall short
But to love like God without condemnation is what God expects of us .
Lord I pray we chose to remain humble always