Proverbs 9:8 [ESV] Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you; reprove a wise man, and he will love you.
We had a very strong relationship built of trust, hard work, and respect for each other and had carried disagreements well in the past.
I still remember commenting that their responses to unexpected change were childish, and this was a pattern of behaviour that was not serving them well, and would in fact limit the future opportunities. I had previously explained a little of behavioural science around child/parent/adult conversations, and asked them to position themselves against there three actors.
They stormed off, out of the building, car door slamming in the car park, words that I could not make out fully were left hanging in the room, none of them would be called pretty words.
I had struggled to get to the place of genuine care for the person, so had taken my time before speaking, wanting to be certain that this conversation was founded in the right principles.
I did not sleep so well that night – the broken friendship weighing on me and the consequences imagined.
The next morning early, they appeared and apologized, saying “what you said was true and it’s had a massive impact on me, and I really want to change, thank you for taking the risk”.
KNOWLEDGE
The same conversation with two different people can have radically different outcomes, depending on the condition of their heart and their teachability (assuming your approach is one based in love for them).
One person may be offended and carry the offense to the detriment of the relationship for a long time. The other may feel the depth and even the pain of the words when confronted with shortcomings, but will sift the truth from the words and allow this to bring about change for which they will be grateful (eventually).
The second person practices this response and so the journey of change gather momentum and grace. The first person may also practice their response, with deep wounds, longer grievances, and more pronounced disagreements and poor outcomes.
UNDERSTANDING
Let’s pick one word from this verse to look closer at and see if that can help us gain a deeper insight into how God would love us to live?
The word for “reprove” in Hebrew is pronounced “yakah” and it can carry the meaning as “to reason together as in a legal case”; to rebuke, discipline, judge and punish”
In the LXX the word used is έλεγχε [elegche] – which appears 17 times in the New Testament – translated as – be reproved; show him his fault; convicts; convinced; expose; and rebuke.
WISDOM – It’s usually wise to ask permission first before speaking into anyone’s life.
STRENGTHS THOUGHT: Relator as a Gallup Strength keeps confidences, invests into relationships, and can carry the hard conversations well. When trust is broken it’s hard to see a way forward.
Allan’s Unauthorised Version – Do not rebuke, discipline or punish a man who’s hands are his own to do as he pleases or he will shun you as an enemy; reason together and discipline a skilled and shrewd man who fears the Lord and he will be a friend and an ally with covenantal loyalty.
Do not reprove – do not rebuke, discipline of punish a
a scoffer – man who’s hands are his own to do as he pleases
or he will hate you; – or he will shun you as an enemy;
reprove – reason together and discipline
a wise man – a skilled and shrewd man who fears the Lord,
and he will love you – and he will be a friend and an ally with covenantal loyalty.
PRAYER: Father, thank you for today, help me to choose my words and my companions with great Godly care.
To chat to me as a professional coach/mentor – allan@theallankey.com
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