1. Learn to Listen

Listening is probably the most important role I can play in the early stages of building trust with you. That sounds obvious hey? But listening is a skill that has to be practiced. Reflective listening is when I listen to you with the idea that I am going to reflect to you, what you have just told me, but using my own words. This confirms my understanding and allows for any misunderstanding to be resolved.

This is definitely an important aspect of how I listen as a coach. There are so many clues as I listen — your body language, facial expressions, pauses, and even where you change tack, or don’t say something. There are often connections in words or expressions that allow for great questions to be asked.

I’m gathering and remembering these as I listen to your story, so that when the time comes, we can go deeper into the areas where the most fruit will be. Careful, attentive, reflective listening is the hallmark that sets me apart in the early stages of coaching.

I’m listening for your talents, geniuses, competencies, weaknesses, and frustrations to come to the surface.

2. Ask Great Questions

So I have listened, and listened, and listened some more. Now it’s time for some questions. They have been forming as I listened. Areas that I want to understand better, connect, or open up.

I’m arranging the questions in my mind so they’re of the best possible help to you — in order, with purpose, and with sensitivity. The more challenging ones will come when you’re ready.

I may make some notes as I don’t want to lose these thoughts. At times I may ask your permission to ask particularly sensitive or personal questions. I want us both to know the boundaries and that you will always feel safe.

3. Make Space for Silence

Some questions will be easy to answer. Others may touch on family of origin issues, past experiences, or painful truths. These can take time to resolve.

We may pause for creative reflection or even pastoral coaching. The goal remains — for you to become what you’ve always known you could become.

Silence, emotions, pauses — these are welcome. In the silence, heavy lifting is taking place.

4. Invest into Understanding

So we’ve listened, asked, and reflected. Now we’re searching for insights — those “aha” moments.

We’re not just seeking head knowledge, but heart understanding. I say “our” because I’m learning as a coach too. Change is essential. Understanding is a key stepping stone on the path to wisdom — and wisdom is a verb.

5. Build Trust

Change is not easy. But it’s at the heart of our coaching sessions — change that aligns with your talents, values, and motivations.

Trust is built on four foundations: integrity, intent, capability, and results. By now, integrity and intent should be in place, and we’re stepping into the world of capabilities.

6. Create Agreement

There is huge power in agreement. When we work in harmony and bring peace to our efforts, we position ourselves to win.

Agreement takes care, time, and clarity — what are we agreeing to, what is our accountability, and where are our boundaries?

Once we have agreement, we’re in the foothills of change. We leave the “land of intentions” and cross into the “land of action.”

7. Take Action

This is where coaching brings benefits. We’ve laid the foundation — now we move.

Change is happening. Confidence grows. Strategy is in place. Tactics are prepared. Failure may still happen, but we get back up.

Many fail several times before they succeed. That’s normal. Ask any successful person.